I love my body. As part of my ongoing love affair with my body, today I sat down and wrote out its most obvious idiosyncrasies. It is not the image of perfection, yet I am filled with delight at having this particular body… without going into the very interesting realm of brain chemistry and its impacts on my unique personality, disposition, and mind, here is a little worshipful list of my little idiosyncrasies, which I lovingly celebrate, starting with the most glaringly obvious…
1) My right elbow… I broke it while riding a bike through Tel Aviv … dodging a cat; the bicycle chose to fall apart. The elbow does not like to take pressure when it is folded to the edge of its range of motion.
2) My right knee … injured it during a big El Nino storm at Pt Reyes Seashore in California, Valentine’s Day, 1997. ‘was pulled off the shore by a sleeper wave. It still does not like to be folded completely without stretch and warm-up. I had to abandon doing certain gymnastic maneuvers, which had started to become a hallmark of my dancing. I almost drowned. I am delighted to be alive and consider that everything that I get out of life from that day forward has been “extra credit” and thus feel very hesitant about saying that I “need” anything. Really, all of life is extra credit. Aren’t we lucky!
3)my lower back … when sitting for a long time, working on my laptop in my lap, my lower back does not like to suddenly straighten up to standing but takes a few seconds to get used to the idea (I suspect something with the discs). Makes me appreciate the ability to stand up.
4)left ankle… for as long as I can remember, after I have hiked more than 5 miles, it starts to complain and will need a lot of tender love and care to get going again the next day. It likes support. This is funny since I like going on very long solo wilderness trips. I’m so glad I can walk!
5)hamstrings … have always been tight. I am remembering these days to stretch more, and they get happier. This also makes my low back happier with regards to idiosyncrasy #3. stretching is also a pleasure in and of itself… good to take time for myself, grounding, caring for body, finding calm, not getting caught up in the rush to do too much.
6) left deltoid tear… in certain positions in rotation with arms lifted above shoulder level, my left deltoid gives me a really interesting piercing sensation… this has been around for about 7 months, though it is becoming less and less present. It’s so nice how the body can heal.
On to some lower grade issues…
7)eyes… they get dry a bit easier now that I have had corrective eye surgery. Small price to pay for now having really amazing sight. I love it!
8) teeth… I am missing a molar (bottom right) and need some fillings. Having the molar pulled was an interesting lesson in impermanence… here was something that had been a part of me for over 30 years and was pulled out of my jaw in a matter of minutes. I look at this piece of calcium, which I used to identify as part of “me”. No longer part of me… who am I? The continued dental work is a good excuse for a trip to Thailand! Maybe I’ll get one of those cool looking titanium posts to replace the molar! Plus scuba lessons on the Thai islands and a 2-week Thai massage course.
9)neck … I carry tension in my shoulder, which often pulls my vertebrae slightly out of place. My neck cracks. I’m glad it has the mobility it does.
10)left shoulder … tore some ligaments when a taxi hit me on my bike on Valencia Street. My handstands are a bit asymmetric as a result. ‘caused me to learn how to do one handed cartwheels for the first N American Capoeira encounter, which was happening the next weekend (‘93).
11) scar over left eye… police baton during arrest at the WTO protest in Seattle, 1999. totally worth it for the political impact that we had! Our lawsuit against the police for our arrest is finally going to trial in federal courts.
12) scar over right eye … drunken sacrifice move to save a friend from a more considerable head injury while dancing on a lot of free martinis at a bar in Edmonton. The Martinis were great, and was happy to be entertaining enough to have been given them by the bartender. I also love my friend Amy and am glad she didn’t smack her head on the bar. The dancing was fun!
13)T4 vertebrae… perpetually out of place, protruding to the back. A little left-over from minor teen scoliosis and a reminder of how work on oneself can lead to a much happier life through improved use of self. Thanks FM Alexander… I owe you a lot, and not just about gross-level body issues!
14) right middle finger … broke it playing basketball when I was a kid. It easily hyper extends and locks. Reminds me of a long time ago… the passage of time.
15) scars on right forearm… self-destructive dance with cement and barbed wire, trying to deal with a break-up one evening in New York, 1996. the blood brought me back to ground. I’m so happy to be alive… really.
16) nose… it is a bit off kilter from being broken twice. First time was minor, in a fight in junior high school. Second time was a bit bigger of a deal with it getting very dislocated… was playing Capoeira with someone who I really felt I should not have been playing with. Got a good lesson in trusting my instincts. I also got a lesson in fixing dislocations as my lack of health insurance motivated me to fix my nose myself. Later on was able to apply this knowledge to someone else as I fixed her nose (hers, you can’t tell it was broken… did a better job resetting hers than I did with my own.).
In general, I am really happy. Life has been a journey, and I have lots of souvenirs I carry with me.
Also, a really big lesson, particularly with the injuries while they were acute, has been to stay present and keep dancing. Through all of my injuries, I kept dancing, learning through the process of working with the new idiosyncrasy how I have been limiting my movement choices. Each injury has taught me new ways to move. Thus limitation becomes the doorway to work on the self, the mirror, and the opportunity in the end to find greater freedom from preconception and attachment. It becomes not a question of “should I dance or not?”, but of “how do I dance today?”
Life is good!
(written in winter 2011)